…the dreaded ‘Ex’…
We love to hate them…
Let me begin by stating that I am an ‘ex’ - twice. My first marriage ending in divorce in 1987, and the second marriage ending in 1990. I got married in 1980 at age 17, because I was pregnant, and eventually had 2 children with my first husband. For whatever reasons, mostly because of my own immaturity, our marriage didn’t last - and honestly, never really had a chance. When I moved to Florida in 1987 to work for Disney World, I left behind everything in my first marriage - my children, the home we had just built, any furniture, you name it - and basically just took everything that would fit in the trunk of my car. To this day, with the exception of one thing, I will always state that my first husband was an excellent father to both of the boys while I was off in lala land.
My second marriage again, began because I was pregnant. (seemed to have been a thing with me!) Husband #2, is the father of my youngest and last child. I didn’t know it at the time, but it came out during our marriage that he had a gambling problem. I thought that it was exciting to go to the dogtracks, nice dinner in the clubhouse - little realizing that it was an addiction with him.
You would think, that I should be bitter… I mean, my first husband put bruises on me from my neck to my ankles. One time. And then I left and moved out. My second husband was addicted to gambling. However, I am not without faults. While learning to grow up - I was ridiculously difficult to live with. A brat, plain and simple. A spoiled little girl who had no idea of what a real marriage is about.
I will state.. that I have NEVER fought with either of my ex’s about our children. Never have either of us put the other parent down, pulled the child between in a nasty tug-of-war, talked bad about each other, because we all had enough sense to understand and realize that it takes two to make and break a relationship!
In 1993, my first husband, his then-fiance, my two oldest boys all came to Florida for Christmas and stayed with my now husband (Mike) and I. Why? Because we are friends… because we had a life together, even if it didn’t work out. The humorous part of the situation was when we went to Disney, and husband #2 came out to help get everyone into the parks! There I was, with husband #1, husband #2, and husband #3. (#1 & #2 being ex’s of course!) Everyone had a good laugh about it… truly! In-laws included! I am still to this day friends with all of my ex-inlaws - they are wonderful people and have hearts of gold! Pictures get swapped and letters get written!
In 1997, Mike got a job with a company North Carolina. And, yes, believe it or not, we moved up to live with my first husband (who was a single) and my two oldest boys. Mike worked in South Carolina, about a 2-hour drive south of Charlotte, so many nights, he would stay in Columbia, SC - and it would be me, my first husband and our 2 boys together. No, absolutely NOTHING went on - get those kinky thoughts out of your lil’ heads *smile*. But, we all got along great! Imagine the startled looks whenever we all went out to dinner, or my first husband telling co-workers of his that his ex-wife was living there with her new husband! What a BLAST we had telling others - because people hear all too often about ex-spouses who could kill each other!
On the flip side, Mike has an Ex-wife who was never anything but nasty, rude, insulting and used their son in a tug of war between herself and Mike. For many years we battled over visitation, over child support, over telephone calls. Unfortunately, this woman did nothing more than damage herself and her relationship with my stepson. In August 2002, Mike received a telephone call from his then 23 yr. old son asking if he could come and visit us. For all of her hatred, the ex-wife has now lost her son. My stepson has little to do with his mother and considers her mentally ill. Thank God for some things - she deserves to lose her child because of how she played the child against his father.
Why do parents use their children as such? Why do two people who supposedly married because they love each other, fight to the bitter end over a piece of furniture? Why can’t they just admit to each other that things went bad, and respect the rights of the other person to move forward? So what - you had some bad times - but is that any reason to deny a child to see their parent? Is that any reason to put down the other person? Grow up people!
If you cannot accept the fact that your marriage is over, and instead need to insult, be rude to, put down, bad-mouth or whatever, your ex, then something is the matter with YOU, not them. And, someday, you’ll find yourself all alone, nothing but a bitter shell of a human being, because you couldn’t let go and take responsibility for your actions in the relationship. And, I won’t feel any pity for you - you brought it upon yourself.